Thursday, September 29, 2011

Wills, Cucumbers, Prayers & Punishments

HRH: When do you write your will?
Me: Before you die
HRH: But how do you know you are about to die?
Me: Well that's why you do it way before..why do you want to write a will anyway?
HRH: For giving away my toys.
HRH: I want to eat keeras.
Me: You want to eat insects?
HRH: No..that green vegetable..
Me: Oh kheeras.
HRH: You are being very rude today. I am very disappointed in you, mother.
Me: Go pray with NanaAbu
HRH: I'll pray when I'm 7. I'm only 6..that's a small number.
Me: You went to Eid namaz and to one Friday namaz also remember?
HRH: Ya so that's enough for now. I'll pray in a few months.
HRH (complaining to Nano about me): Nano, she snatched the phone from me
Me: Who's 'she' Eisa?
HRH: That's your punishment for snatching from me. I will call you 'she'.
HRH: Why did Allah make bogeys?
Me: Umm...I don't know..
HRH: You always don't know anything.
Me: Eisa come and talk to me
HRH: I'm watching TV..
Me: You can watch TV later can't you? I'm so bored
HRH: Hmm..I'll let you know in 15 minutes what my suggestions are.
Me: Go and wash your hands. Don't make me say it again.
HRH: Please stop gritting your teeth at me. Otherwise I have a long list of punishments for hiding your phone or telling your mum.
HRH misbehaving -
NanaAbu: I am going to get really angry with you now.
HRH: Uh oh. NanaAbu is going to squash me like a bug.

My Mother by HRH

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Homework Horrors...and Some Hope

HRH not interested in homework on the importance of cleanliness - 'How would you feel in this room and why?'

I really don't think they loved the zoo that much. 

A Busy Day with a busy evening planned -

Make a sentence using the word 'nature' - 

Make a sentence using the word 'princess' (Attempts 1 & 2) - 

An optimistic conclusion to an essay titled "All About Me" -

English comprehension -

Monday, September 19, 2011

Hateful Homework, Swearing Guidelines, Marriage Miss & More

HRH: The moment I hear 'homework' I feel like there's something disgusting in my ears.
HRH: Do I have to get married?
Khala: You don't have to if you don't want to
HRH: What a relief.
Me: There's an insane amount of homework to do in these holidays
HRH: Torture for both of us.
Faisal: What the...
HRH: Don't say the word. Just say 'what the' and 'why the'.
Me: Hurry up and practice your Urdu imla words
HRH: Forget it Ammi
Me: No I can't forget it
HRH: Ammi you don't have to win everything. I'll just do my best...without studying.
Me: Please don't be rude to me. It makes me sad and I feel like crying
HRH: ...more like pouncing.
NanaAbu: Come here and give me a hug
HRH: Men don't kiss men.
Faisal force-feeding Eisa breakfast -
HRH: If I say bad words in my head then that's ok right?
Faisal: No it's not.
HRH: But they aren't coming out of my mouth
Faisal: ...wait..are you thinking those about me??
HRH: *grin*
Me: Do you need to pee?
HRH: No.
Me: So stop touching yourself then
HRH: It’s part of my body so I can touch it
Me: We are not going to play after school today ok? We'll come straight home, got it?
HRH (with a sigh): I know when I'm beaten.
HRH (sitting on the pot): I can do stink-bombs....from the air-conditioner in my butt.
HRH: Allah can't see us when we do bad things right?
Me: Yes He can. He can see us all the time.
HRH: So why does He need the left and right shoulder angels to write and send messages about what we're doing?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Misery and Morbidity

Army checkpoints where there were none not so long ago.
Killing schoolchildren (Were they infidels too? These 'people' really think they're going to Heaven?)
People dragging their buffaloes, cycles and motorbikes through swirling waters.
Crime ('We got robbed at home the other day.' 'Someone snatched my phone at that traffic light.' 'Our mugger was rather nice thank God..such a polite young man..even apologized for traumatizing us.')
Kidnappings ('He was sold to the Taliban. Came back after 6 months.' 'At least he came back.')
Gratitude for things which should be a given.
Murderers serenaded as heroes. Loadshedding ('What are you waiting for yaar? Generator lagwao.')
Schools closed for 10 days (after being open for 7 after a 3 month summer break. At least it's only a dengue epidemic. Last time schools closed down it was because of possible terrorist attacks).
Politicians too busy fighting over who said what and who did (or didn't do) what (They have proof though so it'll all be okay now).
Apples are no longer apples and bananas are no longer bananas (At least we got a whole lot of jokes out of that one).
Horrible, hate-inciting humans on TV.
So much screaming.
A timeline for everyone.
Discussion on jumma prayers ('Don't force him to go...You never know.')
Religious or irreligious? Who cares? ('People do. They do. Don't talk so never know who's listening.')
'Where are we going? What's going to happen?'
'Bus it'll just go on like this. Things will be better in a few years.' (Been hearing that for the last few.
Reassuring or trying to convince yourself?)
Living in a bubble of self-denial.
Everything's slowly closing in.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Troubling Questions

Looking at the DAWN headline "Suicide blasts rock Quetta" and picture of the blast aftermath -
HRH: What happened here?
Me: There were some bomb blasts
HRH: Like bon voyage?
Me: No that’s B-O-N. This is B-O-M-B.
HRH: So who put it there?
Me: Some bad guys
HRH: What’s suicide?
Me: It means to kill yourself
HRH: So what’s suicide blasts?
Me: It’s bad guys blowing things up
HRH: How?
Me: They wear the bomb and then they get killed and they kill people around them
HRH: Couldn’t anyone see the bomb?
Me: They hide it under their clothes so no one can see and stop them
HRH: Good thing this wasn’t in Pakistan
Me: It was in Pakistan…Quetta is a city in Pakistan
HRH: Thank God it didn’t happen in Lahore
Me: It’s sad for all the people there and also for all of us in Pakistan isn’t it?
HRH: Yes.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Dengue, Donkeys, Deceit & Defending Dad

HRH: I wish I was a dengue mosquito. I wouldn't have to go to school and I would sting bad guys and people I don't like. I wouldn't have to take orders from anybody.
Me: What kind of orders?
HRH: Like come and eat, do your homework. That kind of stuff.


HRH: Can we eat donkeys?
Faisal: No
HRH: What about homemade donkeys?


HRH: I want to open my old toy castle again
Faisal: We gave it away
HRH: It's in that box. You lied to me. You lied to your own son. Now your left angel is busy writing down your lies.


Me to Faisal: Why is this child not eating his dinner?
HRH: I know why you aren't using my regular name 'Eisa'. It's because you don't like me very much right now.


Me: Are you enjoying Eid and all your Eidi?
HRH: I would but you are taking all my Eidi.
Me: I'm just keeping it safe for you
HRH: It's like you are taking it forever.


Gave HRH a long list of dos and donts before he left for his first Eid prayers -
HRH: Why do we have to be so serious? The masjid can be a fun place.


Me to Faisal: You are really mean. I told you I wanted to get out of Lahore during the Eid holidays.
HRH: Ammi he has taken you to so many places. Don't be mean to the poor fellow.