Monday, November 28, 2011

Religious Medication, How to Draw Booty, Vowing Vengeance & More

HRH: Plants and things like cars are lucky because they are safe.
Me: Safe from what?
HRH: From going to hell.

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HRH: We are learning the doosra kalma in school...doosra kalma shahdat..shahadat manay dawai dena
Me: Dawai dena?
HRH: Yes it means give medicines


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HRH  trying to eavesdrop on a conversation -
HRH: What are you guys talking about?
Me: You don't have to know everything
HRH: I do have to so I can be wise in future.


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HRH (singing): I'm a coolio! I'm a genius!
Me: Are you modest as well?
HRH: Yes
Me: Do you know what that means?
HRH: No
Me: It means someone who doesn't praise themselves saying I'm a coolio or a genius
HRH: I guess I'm not modest


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HRH: In Urdu we did fill in the blanks like "mein baray ho kay _____ banon ga". I wrote 'farmer'
Me: You want to be a farmer?
HRH: No but that's the only word I knew how to spell..fay alif ray meem ray.
Me: Farmer is an English word. Do you know what you call a farmer in Urdu?
HRH: Kabooter?

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HRH: I know how to draw booty..first you draw a C..then u put a straight line and then you draw another C but the opposite way.

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HRH jumping on the bed -
Me: Stop doing that
HRH: Jumping gives my legs enthusiasm


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HRH: Wouldn't it be cool if we were the Prime Minister of Pakistan?
Faisal: No..it's so much responsibility
HRH: But we wouldn't be greedy


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Faisal and HRH fighting over who gets to play on the iPad -

HRH: When I grow up and you're my son, I will bully you too.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Getting an Earful, Suggestions for Space, Clearing up Clarity & Watery Wisdom

HRH: I told my friends about when we went to Quaid-e-Azam's house and someone asked me if I met him..
Me: So what did you say?
HRH: I said he was dead at the time.


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(This one's my favourite)
After an explanation about something -
HRH: You are absolutely right Ammi.
Me: I usually am, aren't I?
HRH: Yes you are....Baba is mediumly right.


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Faisal and I arguing –
HRH: Can you two stop quarreling
Faisal: We aren’t quarreling…we are just discussing something
HRH: Then you should do it politely
Me: We are being polite
HRH: No you’re not. I have ears.


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HRH: Are there people on other planets?
Me: Only on planet earth in our solar system
HRH: So what are the other planets there for?
Me: I'm not sure how they were made..we can look it up
HRH: Maybe they are there to make space look good


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HRH: Can I get a balloon?
Me: No you can't because you misbehaved earlier.
HRH: That's a bit hurtful.


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HRH (cleaning up his room): How come it's so easy to make a mess and so hard to clear it up?


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Me: Why do you need to drink water as soon as you sit down to do homework?
 HRH: Water is good for your brain.


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Me: Hurry up and finish your work or you will sit all alone working while the rest of us have fun
HRH (looking disappointed and muttering under his breath): ...scaring your own kid..


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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Siri Silliness

Like everyone else with an iPhone 4S, HRH and I have been messing around with Siri.

HRH had the following conversation with Siri the other day:
Desperate for homework help
No philosophizing and no jokes either
If I tell you, I'd have to kill you
The meaning of life series/Siris -

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

New(s) Headlines

HRH has started reading the headlines of the daily newspaper every morning on the way to school. After reading the biggest headlines he demands an explanation for them.

Today's headlines were:

Later during the day I overheard him informing one of his khalas what the news was for today.

PPP ready for frontal attack on Qureshi was interpreted as -
"So lots of people and Zardari are having a party and they are going to say bad words about someone called Qureshi."

NA passes pro-women bill unanimously lost a lot more in translation -
"Pro-women....that's about women who are professionals...NA means National Anthem...that's it."



Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Boys Don't Hug, Faulty Flagging, National Analysis & Freedom

Me: I'm going for coffee with my friends.
HRH: So it'll be just me and Baba?
Me: Yes
HRH: Thank God...Baba always says yes to whatever I say.
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HRH (looking intently at a pic of our president in an old newspaper): Was Zardari always a crook, since he was a child?
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HRH: I know the source of oil
Me: Wow..really? So what is the source of oil?
HRH: Oil tanks
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HRH: Who's Nawaz Sharif?
Me: He's the head of the PML-N party
HRH: And Zardari?
Me: He's PPP
HRH: Pee pee pee..lots of peeing
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HRH (after drawing the flag of Pakistan): Ammi, I know what the colored parts of the flag mean..the white part is the Muslims..and the green part is the maulvis.
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Me (giving HRH a hug): You're my baby
HRH: I am not. I am a big boy..I have my own life now.
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Monday, November 7, 2011

Pushing Literary Boundaries

Yesterday we were at a dinner which began extremely late due to the usual Lahori problem of having no concept of time. Since HRH was already about to fall asleep as soon as we arrived at the dinner venue, I had the unenviable task of amusing him till we could all leave.

As HRH's current (read for the past three years) favorite obsession is toilet humor, there was no better way to pass the time than to write gross rhymes for each other.

HRH begins - A golf fan speaks

Can't go wrong in HRH's eyes with nose related rhymes

Lovely. Not.

HRH really enjoyed this one

Illustration for poem included (the thing at the end is a grasshopper apparently)

Desperately attempting to keep HRH from throwing a tantrum in sleep-deprived state

Spy game
HRH ended up falling asleep anyway.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

When I Am 40+ (Or Hell, Any Age At All)

I am someone who is not very adventurous with what I wear. I'll wear anything which I feel comfortable in and which looks alright.

So not to tempt fate or anything, but I will never:

1. Wear any item of clothing resembling a cheetah (or any other feline). No scarves, tops, bottoms..nothing.

2. Have blonde streaks or have a hair color tending towards blonde.

3. Have a handbag that has a giant blingy skull on it (really, really, really wanted to get a picture of this but had to stop myself from appearing too uncivilized).

4. Wear black nail polish with sequins or anything else which is shiny stuck on top.

5. Wear thigh high leather boots.

6. Adorn myself in a velvety dress combined with knee high suede boots.

Having said that, hats off to those who do wear the above and think they look good.