Thursday, December 20, 2012

Grade 3 Once Again

Fear builds as the countdown starts
Striking dread in many hearts

Super-sized sighs punctuate the air
"It's too much! It just isn't fair!"

Staring blankly into space
Of gaining knowledge there is no trace

Days passing at great speed
Trying to get the brain to feed
(On facts that we may never need)

Six kids want to share one cake
Wish they'd all go jump in a lake

Cost of 12 apples, if one costs rupees four?
Wish we could all shop at that store

What's a noun, an adjective and a verb?
"Why can't I just say 'Do not disturb'?"

An experiment to prove plants respond to light
"Can't it grow to Jack's beanstalk height?"

How would you separate sand from salt?
"I don't know and it's not my fault!"

Why does the government collect tax?
"To fill their pockets to the max?"

Name all continents and the oceans
Wish we had some knowledge potions.

Too many facts to cram in quick
Hoping that something will stick

"I don't want to do this any more!"
These two weeks are such a bore.

Stop whining and grab the coffee cup
You're the mom, you need to grow up.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Which Witch and Nose Blows

An evil witch cast a spell
Into a deep sleep the girl fell
When she woke she was mad
Kicked the witch with all she had
Off a high cliff with a yell.
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Lots of noise in the boy's nose
Needs a few good blows
Get out all the snot
Let's see what you've got
Green goo all in rows.

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There was a grouchy old man
His motto 'Be as mean as you can'
He jumped out at people passing by
Terrifying them into jumping high
Chuckling he worked on the next nasty plan.

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Sitting in a tree was a little bird
A menacing 'meow' was heard
Like the starting pistol in a race
It instantly hit the cat in the face
With something resembling curd.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Retail Therapy


A lady who was very daddi
Went to shop at Khaadi
She yelled at all there
Who threw her off a stair
Did it make her nicer? Hardly.
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Going grocery shopping at HKB
Child suddenly needs to pee
There’s no loo around I fear
Run quickly home from here
Should go before leaving home see?

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PARCO backwards is O CRAP
Between cars there is no gap
Especially on CNG days
Let someone ahead? No ways!
Just sit in the car and take a nap.

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In Readings to buy a book
Planned to take a 2 minute look
But once you go in there
Feels like there's time to spare
Getting comfortable in a nook.

----
When you travel by PIA
Unn ka khana na khaiyay            
Pait ho ga kharab 
Zaiqa jaisay jarab 
Too late? Chalain pot peh baith jaiyay.   

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Creepy Crawlies

A mosquito buzzes in your ear
Flies by without any fear
Makes trying to sleep hell
In the meantime it feeds well
Till you get a smack in clear.

----

A lizard slithers along a wall
Run before it should fall
A panicked dash to get away
While it continues to smugly stay 
Your blood boils at its gall.

----

A girl spotted a cockroach
Wondered how to approach
In order to squash it flat
Inched forward...then SPLAT!
A fitting end, don't encroach.

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A spider in the kitchen scutters by
Accidentally gets baked into a pie
Makes the meal extra crunchy
Sure makes it more punchy
Tastes better than with a fly.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Subjectively Speaking

Maths makes me blue
All I know is 1 +1 is 2
Calculus, algebra and stats
Creeps me out as much as rats
The day Math was invented I do rue.

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A History lesson rarely passes fast
Teacher droning on about the past
Feeling lost in the haze
Blankly staring in a daze
Centuries later, it's over at last.

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A solution bubbling in the lab
A pinch of sand added, just a dab
The rising of toxic fumes
Drifting up in black plumes
Turns the scientist into a crab.

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My favorite lesson at school is art
Needs no concentration on my part
Drawing dragons and knights
And castles on towering heights
It's every other class that breaks my heart.

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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Bad Boys

There was a mean ghunda
He was a real mustanda
Seeing the error of his ways
Became nicer within days
Now he is a sweet munda.



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A boy addicted to the iPad
Would always fight with his dad
His father broke it with a hammer
Then started to stammer
On seeing the murderous looks of the lad.
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The terrible driver would always crash
His maneuvering was always brash
Finally got stopped by a cop
Who decided to bring this to a stop
And threw his license in the trash.

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Friday, December 7, 2012

The School Run

Everyone hates to study
Rather hang out with a buddy
Chat about nothing all day
All you want to do is play
Or sit at home in your chaddi.

----

You have to go to school
So you don't become a fool
Your horizons will be expanding
Teachers, knowledge will be handing
If you're not asleep in a pool of drool.

----

Go back to school? Are you mad?
Getting out the first time I was so glad
Uncertainty at what is to come
I wish I could just be a bum
Terrified at studying again? Yes, just a tad.

----

A looming pile of books
Are given horrified looks
How will I read them all?
How much longer can I stall?
Pressure simmers and cooks.


Thursday, December 6, 2012

Monsters, Liars and Hunter Beef

A man yelled 'Fire, fire!'
But he was just a liar
A fireman gave him a smack
Forced him to pay one lac
And made him say 'Sorry sire'.

-----

A rude boy would always jeer
Throwing insults there and here
One day got punched and kicked
And was by a dog sicced
Now knows what to fear.

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A mean old man fell out of a jeep
On the track in a tangled heap
On a hunting trip was he
Took refuge in a lion's tree
So what you sow is what you reap.



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A centuries old monster living in a lake
Whose peace was constantly at stake
Wanted to migrate to a quieter place
Where people wouldn't over his head race
But stayed put as humans were easy to bake.

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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

PI Antics, Social Media Hook and Wannabe Hero

Opening up your Facebook
Thinking you will take just one look
Realizing hours have gone by
Even though it's all mostly a lie
One click and you're on a hook.

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A useless young man was a zero
But wanted to be a super hero
A mugger did an old lady accost
The young man in thoughts was lost
Fiddled away just like Nero.

-----

Some people on Twitter
Always sound rather bitter
Forever ranting and raving
Energy they should be saving
For causes far fitter.


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An investigator was undercover
Spying on someone's lover
He fell out of the tree he was in
Bruised his ego and his shin
But a true professional he continued to hover.




Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Ruined Romance, Toe Stubbing and Tennis Terror - LOTD

A ballerina ready for her show
Tied her hair up with a bow
She did a practice twirl
It was too much of a whirl
She ended up stubbing her toe.

----

A young man playing tennis
Turned out to be a menace
He swung at the ball too hard
The racquet flew into the next yard
He was just like Dennis.

----

A young man called Bart
Gave a flower to his sweetheart
In delight he got a hug
As they were so snug
He ruined it by doing a fart.


 ----

A young man named Jack
Was having trouble with his Mac
Frustrated he bashed it with a bat
Till it was in pieces on the mat
He did then regret his attack.

----

Rotten Ross

There was a woman called Ross
Who people wished to toss
Down an endlessly deep well
That really would be swell
Certainly would be no loss.

Hateful looks paved the way
For the woman every day
Did she feel no shame
Always playing some game
All hoped she wouldn't stay

 'Make way for the horrible witch
She is likely to push you in a ditch!
Run and hide if you can
Makes all quiver, woman or man!'
Someone should give her mouth a stitch

There the unlikable lady came
Singing her own praises and claiming fame
All lies it turned out to be
Not surprising at all you see
She was after all a nasty dame.

Perhaps one day she would improve
Instead of fixing in this groove
One could always hope
Till then all shall mope
And wonder how to cope.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Failed Quests and Sorry Storytellers - LOTD

Ho hum pig's bum
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum,
Yes sir yes sir three bags full
Why the cow and not the bull?
A confusion of rhymes in sum.

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A young man was sent off on a quest
Many days later he decided to rest
At a castle lost in the mist
The end of the story in a gist,
He was eaten by a dragon and failed the test.

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A tired young lady blew a fuse
Thus decided to take a snooze
She fell asleep on her bed
With a pillow over her head
Unable to breathe meant sad news.

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The young man was a real bore
Always launching on some lore
People would see him and run
One day someone grabbed a gun
There would be no more tales in store.

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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Connect the Dots, Pet Attack, Monsters Under the Bed - LOTD

Trash-talking during a match,
Resulting in missing a catch
Catches win matches you know?
Less hot air you should blow
So please shut your hatch.

----

A boy broke out in a rash
Red splotches in a mash
Wondering what he may have got
With a pen he joined each dot
From his mom he got a bash.

----

A naughty boy wrote on a wall
About to be punished he tried to stall
By lying and saying it was the cat
Who silently in a corner sat
Sharpening its claws, ready to maul.
----

The tiny baby did some poo
Which looked like slimy goo
The mom went into hiding
Her time she was biding
Till the dad cleaned the stew.

----

There's a monster under my bed
The scared little boy said
"I'll squish it like a bug!"
Said his father giving him a hug
But the monster bit off dad's head.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Mars Bars, Runaway Wife and Bloody Smiles - LOTD

There was a boy who lost a tooth
While sitting in a photo booth
He gave a blood dripping grin
A thumbs up for the win
It was just a little uncouth.

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A useless magician who was a goof
Tried to disappear with a smoky poof
His audience whacked him on the head
Until his skull bled red
"Next time we'll push you off the roof."

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A man always watching TV
Was forever ignoring his biwi
Fed up she hid the remote in the loo
Said "I'm moving to Timbuctoo"
"With our neighbor Stevie."

-----

After an argument with his mum
The little boy was feeling glum
"You only win becasue you're big
And I am the size of a twig."
Said his mother, "No, you're just dumb."

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A young alien visiting from Mars
Came zooming down from the stars
Sightseeing on Earth, horrified he said
"These strange people have just one head!
And pieces of plastic are the space bars!"

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Golf Gripes - LOTD

The golfer's shot was planned
Where would the ball land?
He searched high and low
Wondering 'Where did it go?'
There it was buried in the sand.

----

A golfer demonstrating his swing
Did so with too much zing
Much to the delight of his daughter
He fell face first in the water.
How her laughter did sting.

----

Getting ready to putt
Praying to make the cut
Giving the ball a little nudge
But it refused to budge
Oh no, still stuck in a rut.

----

An old golfer who was a pro
Decided to put on a show
Next to the ball he did hunker
But hit it into a bunker
Red-faced, he decided to go.

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Friday, November 30, 2012

Egg Pulling, Gum Chewing and Bladder Control - LOTD

Bladder pressure builds quick
Becomes unbearable in a tick
"It's so cold I need to pee!"
Said the little boy loudly
"Go now before there's a yellow slick".

----

Said the chicken to the egg
"You look like a little peg"
The egg said with a flick
"You are a horrible chick"
"I was just pulling your leg".

----

The girl chewed gum all day,
Chomping intensely in every way,
Like a cow with its cud
She looked like a real dud
She might as well have chewed hay.

----

A golfer about to tee off
Was interrupted by a cough
"Quiet please" he grumbled
Just then forward he stumbled
Straight into a sandy trough.

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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Rain Pain & Football Shots - LOTD

The rain drips down here and there
The smell of wet earth is one to share
Looks lovely through the window
Nature putting on an excellent show
Beautiful till it seeps into your underwear.

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For your own sake, don't approach me
At least not till I've had some coffee
It's too early to ask 'what, why, how and who'
Go away before I fling my shoe
The glares are a warning you see?

----

A little boy sits on the pot
Strains and wipes some snot
Counting cracks in the ceiling
While trying not to go reeling
Dreaming of that perfect football shot. 

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Strawberry cheesecake and apple pie, slurp
Who wouldn’t give a satisfying burp?
Even just some ice-cream with a spoon
Would put me over the moon
Something sweet, better than any purp.

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A monster gnashing its fangs
From a tree upside down hangs
There is the sound of a loud squelch
Followed by a monstrous belch
Satisfying those hunger pangs.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Working Stiff

Why are some offices full of creeps?
Why doesn't anyone run over them with jeeps?
Why do they torture us all?
Why don't they just pause and stall?
No wonder we have to refer to them in beeps.

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A begum I would love to be
Lie around all day drinking tea
Coffee parties and clothes,
Sitting around picking my nose,
How I would be filled with glee.

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Desk is piled with boring papers
Head is filled with crazy capers
When did we get so old?
To the devil the soul is sold
Slowly our energy tapers.

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Oil Rig Bottom - LOTD (Limericks Of The Day)

There was a young lady at LUMS
Who had really massive bums
They were so humungous-ly big
They got mistaken for an oil rig
By all of her cheeky chums.

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Everyone's hatred for WAPDA grows
As the power goes to newer lows
There goes the electricity again
Making everyone's nerves strain
How much more can we take, who knows?

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Localized Limericks

At the moment I am reading a book on comic verse, which has inspired me to write some limericks - 
 
There was a young lady from Pindi
Who loved to eat lots of bhindi
She would tuck it away
Keeping at it all day
Until all the gas had to fly free.

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There was a young man from Lahore
Who like a monster did snore
He terrified the neighbor's kids
Who smacked his head with saucepan lids,
So he would snore no more.

----

There was a young lady from Karachi
Who loved to eat and was terribly lalchi
She would steal everyone's money
Just by calling them 'honey'
Then give it all to her bawarchi.

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There was a young man from FATA
Whose footwear was all from Bata
He had a horrible flu
When he sneezed his slipper flew
So he waved to it, "Ta ta".

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There was a young man from Sibi
Who was addicted to jalebi
He would eat the orange goo
All crushed up in a stew
Eventually he carried his teeth in a dibbi.
 
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There was a young lady from Gujranwala
Who loved to use the word ‘Sala
Her parents were distraught
At the very thought
So they abandoned her and moved to Guatemala.

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An old lady from Bahawalpur
Decided to go on a worldwide tour
She sat on an aeroplane
Was never heard from again
Because she forgot to close the door.

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