Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Crying Shame, Medusa Mom, Tooth Fairies, Teacher Terror & More

Me (making fun of Eisa's lack of teeth): I'm going to call you TOM from now on...Toothless Old Man.
HRH: I'll call you M-O-M
Me: I am your Mom.
HRH: Mean Old Miser.

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Eisa informing us of his second tooth loss while Faisal working on laptop and I was using iPad -
HRH: The 32 year old and the 39 year old tooth fairies who are stuck to electronics need to put money under my pillow tonight.

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After finding Eisa clambering all over his khala's friend -
Me: Please don't climb all over guests. You need to behave like a civilized person.
HRH: That's a crying shame.

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HRH: You should say namaz
Me: Why are you telling me this?
HRH: I don't want you to be sent to Hell...I'll probably be sent to Hell too cos I don't pray either.

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After I yelled at Eisa -
HRH: You are like a Medusa mother coiling around her victim...which is her own precious son.

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HRH: Amna Khala lost a bet and now she owes me 50 rupees
Me: You shouldn't make bets
HRH: It's fun to gamble.

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HRH: When we go back home can you fire the Quran teacher and you can teach me instead?
Me: No..you have to learn Quran from an expert
HRH: But you are an expert at making me work...you are a threaten-er and a briber.

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During holiday -
Me (to Faisal and Eisa): When we get back home you two better clear up after yourselves cos I'm not going to do it anymore
HRH: I won't be able to do it. Children's brains are dumb.

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Loud 'aaaah' sound coming from bathroom after Eisa went in -
Me: What was that long 'aaaah'?
HRH: It was so relaxing...I felt like I was holding my pee for years.

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Eisa playing football game on iPad -
HRH: Mohammad Messi scores!!!
Me: That's not his name...
HRH: I want Messi to be a Pakistani.

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Watching the news -
HRH: I elect myself as Prime Minister
Me: Great...what will you do first to help Pakistan, Prime Minister Eisa?
HRH: I will make Zardari leave Earth and go to Mars.

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On being told Eisa ate 2 packets of Lays -
Me: I hope you know how bad those are for your health
HRH: But they are also tasty for my health.

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Complaining about Quran teacher -
HRH: It's such hard work. She makes me read everything so many times...front, back, slanted, back and forth, and forth and back.

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15 minutes post-lunch -
Me: Let's do some homework now
HRH: I haven't eaten in days. My blood sugar is too low.

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Me complaining to Abu about work issues, with Eisa listening in -
HRH: Ammi, this sounds like a fight for freedom and justice. You should complain to HR...the Harrassing Room.

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Talking about a 'fight' he had with another almost-7 year old -
HRH: He's my arch enemy..he said I have a girlfriend. So I said you kiss girls on the mouth and IN the mouth.

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HRH: What if I was a domestic pet?
Me: What would you be?
HRH: A bull terrier.

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HRH: Who do you think is snottier...Cristiano Ronaldo, Zardari or Gillani?

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HRH: If you don't obey me, it will be open season for you.

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Kissing scene on in The Karate Kid -
Me: Don't look!
HRH (trying to watch through corner of eye): I'm not...I am trying to but I can't.

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Me: I'm bored
HRH: You can ship yourself off to Antarctica and have an adventure.

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HRH: Ammi you are so nice
Me: Thanks
HRH: You are wearing nice clothes
Me: Thanks
HRH: Your hair looks good
Me: Thanks for all the compliments
HRH: You know I do a lot of bad things right?
Me: Yes...
HRH: I am saying all this so it cancels that out..so the right shoulder angel can write down whatever good things I say.

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Hearing of Eisa's misbehavior -
Me: If I hear that you have misbehaved again I will cancel your TV and iPad and I won't let you go swimming or get McDonalds or anything else fun.
HRH: All this just for misbehaving? This is more like for killing a person.

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At MP checkpoint after Faisal had ID card checked -
HRH: Why do they look at your ID card?
Faisal: To see who you are
HRH: Does it say whether you are a good guy or a bad guy?
Faisal: No..
HRH: So what's the point?

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HRH: Has Chelsea really asked Pep Guardiola to be their manager?
Me: That’s what the rumor is
HRH: If he joins them I will call him Poop Guardiola.

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Me driving back with Eisa -
HRH: You know when you press the car horn too loud, I cover my ears
Me: Why?
HRH: Because I know you are going to say some bad words.

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HRH: I don't want Baba to go
Me: It's only for three days..It'll be just you and me, kid.
HRH: Oh man. It's going to be tough.

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