Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Censorable Dreams, Weight Gain & Cricket Capers

Eisa whining about wanting to do something -
Me: We'll see.
HRH: Why do you say these words?! It makes me feel so tensioned. Just tell me yes or no.


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HRH: I don't ever want to get married
Me: Why?
HRH: Because I don't want my wife bumping into me on the bed..and I don't want to have a kid either because it would be painful.
Me: Why?
HRH: Because he would be really bad since he's related to me.


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Post school pick up -
Me: So how was your day?
HRH: I want to resign from school.


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HRH: Can we go watch 'Mein Hoon Shahid Afridi'?
Me: It's not for kids
HRH: It's not about smooching..it's about cricket.


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English homework -
Me: Make a sentence with 'twig'
HRH: The boy was picking his nose with a twig and it got stuck in his nostril.
Me: No you can't write that.
HRH: The boy's potty was shaped like a twig.
Me: No.
HRH: The twig got stuck in the boy's eyeball.


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Standing on the weighing scale -
HRH: I think I've gained 2 calories.


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HRH: A girl in my class called another girl something rude
Me: What did she say?
HRH: I can't say it because then you'll tell me off...It was something in Urdu that goes woof woof...the female one.


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Eisa: A boy was making farting sounds from his armpit at school
Faisal: Oh I know how to do that! Let me teach you!


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Urdu revision -
Me: What's the opposite of "shehri"?
HRH: Gaon-ly.


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Urdu revision -
Me: Make a sentence with 'nafah'
HRH: Tum please nafah ho jao.

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HRH: Today in computer class this boy found a picture of a naked lady and showed us
Me: What?! How did he find that?
HRH: It's ok..she wasn't totally naked..she was wearing a bikini.

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Preparing to deliver a post-misbehaviour lecture -
Me: So how do you think you behaved?
HRH: Hmm...temperate climate...not too good and not too bad.

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Eisa telling me about a teacher at school -
HRH: She's fat and strict
Me: You shouldn't comment on anyone's physical appearance
HRH: I'm not being mean..I'm just telling you her distinguishing features.

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Faisal and Eisa playing cricket...ball hits Eisa in the groin -
HRH: Owww! Baba don't mistake this little guy for the wickets.

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Urdu revision -
Me: Tell me isam marfas (proper nouns) from these isam nakra (common nouns)...Mulk?
HRH: Pakistan
Me: Darya?
HRH: Daryay ravi
Me: Jang
HRH: Jang-e-bistar
Me: Badr?
HRH: Oh haan.

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HRH: Today a teacher said a rude word starting with F in class
Me: Are you sure you heard it right?
HRH: Yes..cos I've heard you say it too.

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Me talking about someone with Khala, when Eisa suddenly made a comment about that person -
Me: How do you know that?
HRH: I've been eavesdropping for 5 years.

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HRH: Thank God it's the weekend and you and Baba will wake up late. It's the only time I get any privacy during the week.

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HRH: Ammi has anyone ever told you that you are a vision of loveliness?
Me: No you're the first..why are you saying this though?
HRH: Because I am a chivalrous handsome gentleman.

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Eisa telling me yet another story about a kid's flatulence at school -
Me: Why do you have a farting story every single day?
HRH: People can't control their bodies.

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HRH: I don't like the girls in my class. They don't know how to talk to boys.
Me: What do you mean? You should be friends with everyone in your class
HRH: You don't understand kids my age.

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HRH: When did you first meet Baba?
Me: In February 2004...he came over for tea to Nano and Nanabu's house
HRH: So was it love at first sight? Did you hear slow music playing?

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HRH: Can you switch the TV on for me?
Me: No..do it yourself.
HRH: Oh come on..help a brother out.

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HRH: I had a censorable dream last night
Me: What was it?
HRH: There was a man and a woman dancing a waltz
Me: That's ok
HRH: Yes..but the woman was wearing a bikini.

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HRH (telling me about a teacher at school): You know how teachers are usually cheerful on the outside and miserable on the inside? Well this one is miserable on the outside and miserable on the inside.    

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